Sometimes things go wrong. Sometimes things fall through or fizzle into nothing. A big opportunity lost. All that excitement, all that anticipation, stopped cold. Life is full of twists and turns which sometimes leave us broken, hurt. We get the raw end of the deal, the smaller part of the wishbone, the short stick. At these moments, we’re offered a choice. We can wallow in disappointment, allowing it to build inside of us like some horrifying monster, waiting to escape. Or we can turn to the one who has everything under control.
I struggle with this problem. When I’m angry, I hold that anger inside. I bite my tongue until it’s bloody. Anything to prevent explosion. When something hurts me, or disappoints me, I tend to withdraw into myself or escape into my writing. The hardest part is when we are hurt by those we love. Supposed friends who were supposed to watch our back, leave us behind. People who should care, who should warn of something that might hurt us, don’t.
We live in a fallen world. Humanity has fallen short of what God intended. We make mistakes. We hurt those we love. The question is, where do we turn? When hurt, do we lash out or lean on our Father? The difficulties can either make or break us, and they will break us if we trust in our own strength or our own understanding. A recent discovery hurt me, confused me, and somewhat angered me. And I don’t understand. I don’t understand at all. Disappointment. Lost opportunity. Excitement and anticipation, stopped cold.
Still, God was not caught off guard. He was not surprised. He understands, even when I can’t possibly begin to grasp the reasons for this disappointment. Trust. God did not command us to understand but to trust. In this disappointment I will look to Him because He is my father and He cares for me. He has everything under control.
I’m still hurt. I still don’t understand. I simply trust.